I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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