He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
