am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
please come you make the beer taste better
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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