i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
