Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
