Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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