Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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