i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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