Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
