so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
