omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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