Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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