You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
