i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
