i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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