They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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