If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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