It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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