The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
