I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize