So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
