my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
