I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
