The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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