This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
