The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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