it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
