Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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