I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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