I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
