So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
