So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They took my balls.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
