I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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