is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
