i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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