I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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