i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
