she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
