I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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