I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
