Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
