You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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