I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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