I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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