Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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