i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
please come you make the beer taste better
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
