I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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