you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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