...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
