I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
