Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
