It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
