Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
