Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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