I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize