i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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