I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im about as happy as oj after his trial
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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