Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
