I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
