So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
