you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
