Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
