dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
