I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
