Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
