I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
