Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
