That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
