I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
