It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize