don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
