You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
