he shaved USA in his pubs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
