Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
