I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
