I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
