I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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