Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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