tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
