my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
