I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
