I can tuck mytits in my pants
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
