Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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