Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im part way to drunk.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
