There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
