i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
