sarcasm needs its own font
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
