I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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