Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize