And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
