I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do herpes really smell.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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