Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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