Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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