brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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