Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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