im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
