Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
