Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
