I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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