I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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