Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
