people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this is an emotional support booty call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
