he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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