He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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